Independence
I thought I could handle it alone. It had been seven and a half years since I last gave birth to my only child, and this time I had really put in all the prep. I had spent months even before getting pregnant becoming the healthiest version of myself given my advanced maternal age of 40: a solid year of strength training five times a week with Evlo Fitness (a fitness app taught by doctors of physical therapy) and a keen focus on nutritious whole foods. Throughout pregnancy, I continued this dedicated adherence. I followed the Evlo prenatal program up until the day before I gave birth and ate well throughout. I also practiced mindfulness and worked with Dr. Laurel Sexton, an incredible Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist, where we focused on proper breathing, pushing, and pelvic friendly labor positions. I thought I had it all figured out. Until I didn’t.
Nerves
As the birth approached, I became more and more nervous about how I would handle the pain of my planned natural labor. What coping strategies could I use? How would I avoid interventions, particularly an epidural or c-section? My older daughter had been born vaginally without pain medication, so all these years I thought it had been relatively successful. But as the birth of my second daughter came closer, I remembered all the things that hadn’t gone well. I remembered being rushed from the birth center to the hospital due to the baby’s heart deceleration. I remembered lying on my back, legs in the stirrups, not grasping how to properly push the baby out, then she was stuck and we had to use a vacuum. The vacuum caused abrasions on her head and jaundice. Long after I forgot the pain of birth, I still remember thinking right after, “I will never do this again.”
Fast forward to baby number two’s impending birth, I realized that I was getting scared. I remained committed to natural labor, but this time there was not a birth center; I would be delivering in a hospital. As the final weeks approached, I reconnected with a friend from a few years back who was also pregnant, and she recommended her doula.
Maternal Wellness
I didn’t need education on what a doula is. As an Assistant Research Professor at Institute for Integrative and Innovative Research (I3R) at the University of Arkansas, I had been engaged in maternal health research in Arkansas. I was well aware of our maternal health crisis in the state and of the improvements in maternal health seen globally when doulas and midwives are more accessible to women. Yet I hadn’t secured one myself because I thought I could handle it alone. But as my fears started to grow, I contacted my friend’s doula. I let her know I was only a few weeks out from delivery, and I needed her help.
When Robin (an Arkansas Doula trained by Ujima Maternity Network and UAMS’ doula program) and I met, I was already 37 weeks pregnant. I had handled the pregnancy on my own to that point, although I know if I had met her earlier or been a first time mom and needed it, she would have helped me with all the tricks and wisdom of pregnancy related issues along the way. But what Robin gave me was more crucial to me than anything else she could have done: she gave me confidence.
Be Brave, Be Bold
Listening to Robin and hearing the way that she spoke about birth reminded me of my own mother’s fond memories of birth. So different from my first experience, after the birth of my older brother my mother had said “I’ll have another one!” Robin’s kind, comforting words helped me to realize that I had felt out of control with my first birth. The system took care of me medically, but I didn’t deliver in an ideal position for labor nor did I know how to handle contractions nor push, and the baby lodged in the birth canal, causing trauma to her and wrecking my pelvic floor for months after.
Meeting Robin was a true turning point for me from feeling scared of the birth to feeling brave and powerful.
She helped me to write down my birth preferences (commonly known as a birth plan) so I understood what my options were in a hospital delivery room. And she didn’t just guide me; her prenatal meeting with my husband and I empowered him to help me through contractions, and gave me the knowledge of what to ask him to do. Having a doula didn’t replace my partner—it helped him to be a critical part of my coping strategies on delivery day.
Reflections
In the days leading up to birth, Robin was only a text away, giving me a sounding board for all the signs of impending labor. She was there for me despite the 4th of July holiday when I went into labor. And her postpartum visit is imprinted in my memories as a highlight of the recuperation period. More than anyone, she was eager to reflect on the birth story with me and my family. In fact, she had meticulously written down the whole story in a commemorative document! And she brought me the most delicious postpartum healing goodies and a cookbook. We all laughed about the birth experience and how smoothly it had gone this time! It was only minutes from when I entered the delivery room to time of delivery. Baby Anneliese was born with a clean slide through the birth canal with my face and hands against the bedrest, not lying on my back. There were zero tears, and no complications. She was born with my husband and Robin by my side, coaching me through it. This labor story was something to be proud of. This time, I was empowered to give birth in the natural way that women around the world have for centuries, and it is something that I will treasure.
